What is healing?

Uncategorized Nov 09, 2020

Have you ever wondered how exactly to heal?


When you go through a breakup, how do you heal from that?


When you have a loved one pass away, how do you move on?


When something traumatic happens, how do you get past it?


This isn’t something we talk about often. We don’t talk about how to move past these tough things that happen. 


When I lost my virginity, I felt completely alone. I didn’t choose it. I had it forced on me and I was feeling excitement because I had thought that since the guy had sex with me that I would be with him forever.  Within a week, he had ghosted me.


And I felt like my world was shattered. I felt so alone, so ashamed. I didn’t know how to deal with all of that. And I felt like I had no one to talk to. No one to show me how to handle it.  So I buried it. It’s been years, and I still don’t even have all the words to describe what happened or how I felt. 


Because all I knew was to numb it and move on with my life. I felt like I had to keep on showing up to work (my multiple jobs at the time). And the few times I tried to share what was going on, I was told that I was in the wrong, that it was my fault. 


And so I pushed it all deep down. That night, that week, changed my life forever. I was no longer the virgin who was only going to have sex with one man ever. I had that choice taken away from me. I started to do things to get me to feel pleasure again. I acted out and was just trying to feel.


No, it didn’t work. The thing is that I wasn’t loving myself throughout the situation. Since I wasn’t giving myself love, no one else could love me. It wasn’t until I started taking better care of myself and doing good things for myself, that my life began to improve.


A couple years ago, I started the process of healing those old wounds. I looked at my choices, my circumstances and brought up the feelings that I had buried deep inside. I started talking and sharing with people and therapists what I went through and how it made me feel. 


In that process, I finally began to release those old wounds. I forgave the guy who changed my world forever. I got the chance to tell him what he did to me, and he apologized. I was able to release what happened then. 


This year, I’ve finally stepped into sticking up for what I want, instead of what other people want for me. In my previous relationship, I was so focused on what he desired that I pushed myself down. I had labeled myself as submissive and someone who likes to be controlled, when that is the opposite of what is true. 

I am a powerful woman. I have so much to offer to the world and I cannot be tamed. I am meant to be confident, to speak what is in my heart and to be open and vulnerable. I am unleashing myself and finally stepping into the woman who I am meant to be. 


I’ve felt a little guilty because my story isn’t as rough as others in the online space. I’ve had some sucky things happen, but they aren’t shocking. However, we all experience things that challenge us and grow us. It is not a competition to see who has the most tragic story and has overcome that. 


My story is my story and I am here to show you that you are loved. You are loved whether your story is average, no matter what your size is, no matter what you’ve been through. 


You are loved. 


You also have the power to love yourself no matter what. 


That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned over the past 35 years: to love myself no matter what. Even when I’m going through a rough period. Even when I’m being a pain in the ass. Even when I’m doing the things that I said I was going to stop doing. Because I am worthy of being loved. 


You are worthy of being loved. 


I invite you to join my free facebook community, where we talk about topics like self love, human design (what I used to heal myself and my business) and business. I would love to have you join! 


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